The reasons people hate you on Facebook (but are too polite to tell you)

December 1, 2015 2 By Conor

Just for fun…

1, – “I’m not being funny but…”: You’re right, you aren’t.

2, – “…some people”: Two words that are the axis of evil on Facebook. Whatever it is, go and talk to “some people” about it. Or would that be too drama-free?!

3 – “I can’t believe what happened today”: Heavy sighs are for the schoolyard and grounded teenagers. We’ll need more detail. Actually, on second thoughts…

4 – “The – insert media outlet here – are biased against us”: They probably aren’t. Look up ‘confirmation bias’ online then see Point 8.

5 – “Rant over”: A devastating end to any round of debate. It should be used on BBC Question Time more often.

6 – “I read in the Daily Mail newspaper”: It isn’t a newspaper. And admit it….you only looked at the headline.

7 – “You’ll never guess what that fecker the kids’ mum/ dad did!”: Probably not, but thanks to Facebook your kids can read about it for years to come!

8 – “I can’t believe the media didn’t cover our event/ issue/ protest”: We can. You need a better media officer.

9 – “I don’t know you but you’re wrong”: A tactic that has never changed anyone’s mind about anything ever. If it did international diplomacy could be staged via Facebook and would be really entertaining.

10 – “Yeah, but whatabout…”: See Point 4.

11, “That shop/ pub kicked someone out because of their Poppy/ football shirt/ face”: They probably didn’t. A ‘like and share’ doesn’t make it true.

12, “Do you know what the Army should do…”: No, Field Marshal, we don’t. But please tell us. We have the COBRA situation room on hold waiting.

13, “Happy birthday to Louis Walsh!”: We’ve checked and can’t find our birthday card from Louis anywhere. He’ll do fine without our clicks.

14, “Did you see Piers Morg…”: We’re going to have to stop you right there.

15, “This CCTV proves…”: We give up.